Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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