i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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