R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
