dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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