Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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