I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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