Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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