Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
