Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
