It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
