my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
