wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How external is "for external use only"?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
