Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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