oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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