MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
