If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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