Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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