we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
