there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
