he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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