If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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