i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
