Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
