You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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