I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
