if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
