it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
