so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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