I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
