So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
