Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
