you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sarcasm needs its own font
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
