is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
