I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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