Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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