my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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