I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize