Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
