Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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