Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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