She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
