i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
