I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
