we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm passing your future prison.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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