Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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