i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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