When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize