Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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