Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
