you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
