i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize