24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
