if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
