Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
