Barsexuality is the new black.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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