Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
