5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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