not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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