Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
