I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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