the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
